As a man, I still long for my mother’s love at the age of 39. In marriage I look for a mother substitute in my wife. In literature one speaks of a “mother son”. Grrr, doesn’t sound that great and I want to get rid of it as soon as possible.
There is a high level of need for recognition and love among the mother’s son husbands. This is shown (also for me) by a high degree of uncertainty. The man can only do a little himself and needs confirmation from his wife for everything: “Is that enough vinegar on the salad?”, “Is that the right cleaning agent?”, “5 rolls are enough for breakfast”, “I don’t understand, can you explain that to me? “,” does the shirt match the pants? “ and many more questions.
It is not my wife’s job to satisfy this need. I first have to become aware of this need myself and then fill it myself. Mindful Self Compassion (MSC) gave me the first impulses to love myself and to become independent of my mother. Today I watch myself how often I ask my wife something and use this as a barometer for my insecurity.